I went looking for confidence and also found….

I have recently been going to both improv and Toastmasters.

The aim was the same in both places: to get out of my own head when it comes to authenticity and public speaking, particularly in relation to how I show up on social media for my business.

What I didn't expect was how differently my nervous system would respond.

At improv, we work with the concept of "yes, and......" No matter how ridiculous the scene, you go with it. From trapeze artists wearing glitter thongs to glitter earwax and the use of the word "espasjeezent" - everything goes. It's all impromptu and a lot of fun!

But here's what I also noticed:

Whenever I go, my anxiety sky rockets! By the time I get home, I'm often so overstimulated that I'm lying awake until at least 2am. It's recently had quite a big impact on deciding whether I even want to go as sleep is so important to me.

The crowd is friendly and really fun. That said it's not the kind of environment for people to go out of their way to come over and talk to you if you are new. Everyone is there for the activity and the enjoyment of the activity itself. Which in itself, is of course absolutely fine!

And the "yes, and......" concept is fascinating. Because I literally find myself repeatedly having to remind myself to just go with it. Of course the 'yes and....' skill is famously also very effective in the corporate world.

My experience of my first ever Toastmasters was almost the complete opposite!

I was astounded how well everything is organised. Like impressively so. There was an agenda with minute-by-minute timings. Speeches were engaging and of course based on reality. Right at the end there is a section called Table Topics, where you are given a question as an audience member and you have to go up and speak impromptu for a couple of minutes on the question you are given in the moment.

On paper, that should have felt just as anxiety-provoking. But here's the thing - it didn't.

Knowing what was happening, combined with the fact that belonging seems to be part of the culture, meant I felt exceptionally welcome. Before the meeting had even properly started, people came over to introduce themselves and have conversations with me. I felt so included.

When it came to my turn for Table Topics, I was asked what I would do if I wasn't a fan of the World Cup. And as someone who genuinely isn't, it didn't take much to find my authentic voice and get a few laughs from the audience by talking about 'hiding in a cupboard until it was all over', and a 'little part of me dying with every mention of "It's coming home!"' (Apologies to those who are!)

Neither experience is better than the other. Both were welcoming and great fun.

But the contrast has been a stark reminder on the neuroscience of how much the human brain thrives on predictability and safety. When I knew what was happening, and when I felt safe in the hands of the people around me, it didn't take much for me to be myself. In fact, it wasn't long before I was asleep when I got home after the event.

It has made me think about leadership.

Sometimes, we can become so focused on the bigger picture or process, that it can be easy to overlook the small things that make an environment feel safe for someone else: the agenda sent in advance, explaining what to expect or even given processing time. Or maybe just a human-to-human conversation - in fact, one of my great bosses in the past called it: "Just getting the basic human sh&t right."

The things that seem small are often the things that allow people to show up fully.

So, I went looking for safety, and what I found was a deeper appreciation for the conditions that help me show up fully, wherever I am: safety, predictability and belonging.

I'm curious, what environments or conditions make you feel safe and like you belong?