Learning to notice what my body is telling me: interoception in action

A couple of years ago, I went on a second date to a quarry for a wild cold water swim. It was April. The water was 11 degrees. Pretty cold if you are not used that. It was deep water swimming only, and the shortest lap was 350 metres.

I really wanted to impress him. I wanted to feel close and alive.

So I got in, wetsuit on, with my fluorescent bright inflatable device attached.

What's the worse that could happen right?

Halfway through, my body went into a state of shock. I remember the back of my skull being more cold than anywhere else. I couldn’t catch my breath, and I was actually hyperventilating.

I didn’t even know the route of the lap I was meant to swim. I just followed, trying to keep up, trying to look brave. Yes, I really thought jumping into freezing water on a second date was a good idea. Spoiler: it wasn’t. 😉

On the outside, I was pushing through. Pretending I was interested in the birds on the side of the water he pointed out. On the inside, I had no idea what was actually happening in my body. But I ignored it. Because I wanted the connection more than I trusted myself.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was so disconnected from my body's interoception that it took that level of intensity to feel alive.

Fast forward to now.... Things are very different. I’ve learned how to feel the signals my body gives me again. To notice when something feels too much. To regulate, instead of override.

And the biggest shift?

I still swim and do (slightly less cold) water exposures during times of feeling more resilient, but I don’t abandon myself for connection anymore. I don’t need extremes to feel something. And I don’t put myself in situations that don’t feel safe, just to be chosen or get the next dopamine hit.

I see the same shift in the people I work with too. Clients come to me wanting deeper connection in their relationships in life or in work, but they realise, they’re not always connected to themselves first.

Emotional dysregulation comes from overriding your needs, second-guessing feelings, or pushing through, just like I was. When you can’t feel or trust your body, it’s almost impossible to feel safe with someone else.

That’s the work we do together. Learning how to come back into your body, so connection doesn’t cost you yourself. Learn to meet your needs in real time.

I'm curious, have you ever pushed past your own limits just to feel connected or alive?